iCarly: Remembrance
by IntercomNut
Summary: FINAL CHAPTERS, 4 AND 5, ARE UP! When someone in the iCarly crew is killed, the rest must either deal with their grief or be consumed by it.
1. Chapter 1

iCarly: Remembrance

Chapter 1

"RANDOM DANCING!" Carly and Sam jumped up and down and danced to the funky music while I followed them with my camera. After a minute of that, Sam stopped the music and Carly said, "Okay people, before you go, we have an announcement!"

Sam took over, "Last week, we asked you to send us in a weekend challenge-"

Carly interrupted, "A challenge completed over the course of a weekend."

"I think they could've figured that out."

"I'm not sure; there might be some Canadians watching."

Sam smiled at the chance to make fun of someone, "You're right, those stupid Canadians."

"Anyway, the challenge we picked is one that's both fun and will get us-"

"-specifically Freddweeb-"

"HEY!" I yelled.

"-in shape," continued Carly. "This whole weekend, we will get everywhere in-" Sam pressed a button and the text "ROLLERBLADES" flew up on the screen at the same time a digitized voice sung it.

"Yep," said Carly, "we're going to rollerblade to the store, our houses, and even down the stairs!"

"Maybe Freddork'll trip and fall down them!" I gave up yelling at Sam and remained silent.

"Sam," groaned Carly.

"What, it'd be funny!"

"Anyway, we'll see y'all next time on iCarly!"

I tapped a few keys on my laptop, severing our connection to . "And, we're clear!"

Carly and Sam took a couple steps back and fell onto bean bags.

"Good show guys," I said, laying the camera onto my tech cart.

"Thanks Freddie," said Carly, picking up a soda and taking a sip.

"Yeah, thanks," said Sam. "Oh, by the way, Fredward…"

"Yes?" I asked, predicting an insult.

"If you don't fall down the stairs, I just might push you." The scary thing was, I believed her.

Friday, after school

The front doors of Ridgeway burst open as three roller-skating teenagers made their great escape. They pumped their legs as fast as they could, flying over the pavement away from the school. A few seconds later, Francine Briggs pushed through the doors and ran a few feet farther, scanning the landscape with her eyes. "I'll get you!" she screamed.

A few streets away, Carly, Sam, and Freddie ground to a halt, resting on a building.

"That was close," gasped Freddie, already out of breath.

"Aw, is Freddwimp out of breath?" cooed Sam.

Before Freddie could reply, Carly said, "You know Sam, you should've been more careful. Ms. Briggs doesn't like getting run over by teens on rollerblades."

"Well she needs to take a chill pill!" snapped Sam.

"Maybe if Sam wouldn't bother her so much, she wouldn't need any!" I yelled, hoping Sam wouldn't punch me.

"Well maybe if your mom wasn't so annoying, I wouldn't need anyone to bother!" screamed Sam, genuine anger flaring in her eyes. The fear hit me like an electric shock. This wasn't going to be just some prank; she was going to try to hurt me. I started stumbling backward, trying to get away, but I was too slow. She grabbed hold of my collar with one hand and a lamppost with the other. Her biceps flexed, pulling me to her, so my nose was touching hers. "Wrong day, dork," she whispered, before pushing me back with all her strength.

Screaming, I rolled backward, completely out of control. Then I felt my legs hit something. I fell over it and crashed onto hard pavement. I was dazed for a few seconds, before I saw headlights and heard a horn honk. Suddenly I realized I was about to be crushed into something Sam might cook and eat. A reflex kicked in, causing me to roll onto the curb seconds before the car reached me. I opened my mouth to take a breath at the same time the car passed me, resulting in water being sprayed onto my face and into my mouth. I coughed up the water, spraying it into Sam's face. Whoa, she got here fast.

"Freddie!" she yelled. I felt her hands grab my face, shaking my head, and then suddenly my face was close to hers for the second time, our noses touching, our lips an inch apart. I stared into her eyes, and I could see concern, along with genuine pain. All I wanted then was for our lips to close the distance. I wanted to feel her lips on mine again, something I'd been thinking about ever since that night on the fire escape. Unconsciously, I tilted my head slightly to the left and moved it forward.

Before I knew it, fingers were no longer supporting my head, and it was hitting the cement hard. I yelped in pain, rubbing the back of my head, before glaring at her. Grinning, she simply said, "Wrong day."

8pm that night

We skated away from the Groovy Smoothy shop, feeling refreshed after our long day of rollerblading around Seattle. After a few minutes, Sam screamed. I was startled so much that I tripped and fell.

"What?" screamed Carly.

"I forgot my cell phone at the Groovy Smoothy!"

"Oh no!"

"STOP SCREAMING!" I yelled. I already had a headache because of "multiple blunt force trauma to the head," as my mom would say, and this wasn't helping.

"I guess Ms. Briggs isn't the only one who needs a chill pill," cackled Sam. I realized she looked pretty when she cackled. This day was full of revelations for me.

"Don't worry Sam, I'll get it," offered Carly.

"Thanks Carls," said Sam, always eager to let someone else do the work. Carly rolled around the street corner and behind a building, out of my sight. My gaze wandered to Sam, where I observed that hers had drifted to me. An awkward silence floated between us. "So…" she said. Then the sound of a horn honking reached my ears, making me suddenly alert. A second later, it was followed by a bone crushing crunch. Sam and I froze, our eyes met. Then we yelled simultaneously, "CARLY!" Both of us took off at full speed, skidding around the corner and flying forward until we reached the crosswalk. It was dark, and all I could see was a dark blob lying on the ground. At that moment, the only thought in my mind was, "Not Carly." I squinted to try to see.

Suddenly, a car passed, and the whole crosswalk was illuminated for less than a second. In that second, I saw her pink short-sleeved shirt, with a red undershirt, her baggy blue jeans, but most of all, her face, with three long cuts down the side of it, and a scream frozen on her lips. My hand went to my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, my thumb dialing 911 before it even reached my ear. Hot tears rushed down my face. It wouldn't do any good. Looking at her face, I knew she was already dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I sat silently in the back of the police car, staring at the buildings passing by. I could taste vomit on my lips from throwing up after I called 911. Sam and I'd tried to convince the paramedics to let us ride with Carly. They'd said be couldn't because we weren't family. I was surprised that Sam didn't lie her way in, but I guess she didn't feel like lying at the moment. I didn't feel like doing anything. Contrary to what I'd thought, the paramedics said she was still alive, but I doubted she'd survive this without becoming a carrot which would later be buried in the ground and maybe eaten by bunnies. Wow, dark humor hits you at the weirdest times.

As I watched the dark buildings rush by, the images didn't reach my head. The only thing my mind was doing at the moment was trying to absorb that I might never see Carly alive again. I didn't cry though; I don't know why, but I didn't. I turned my head toward Sam, who was sitting next to me. Like me, she was staring out the window with a vacant expression. At that moment I felt sorry for her. I knew I'd be hit hard by this, but I also knew she'd be hit harder.

She knew Carly five years before I did. They'd grown very close over that time; Same stayed over at Carly's house for almost the majority of her life, and Carly had always been there to comfort her. I remember a few months back when Sam took a job at Chili My Bowl. Sam somehow managed to get me out of Carly's apartment, something about an injured relative I think, and when I came back in, she growled at me like an animal and I screamed and ran. But, though I don't think Carly and Sam realized this, I saw the tears running down her face. There was no way she would let me or anyone else see her cry, except Carly. She would only let someone she was very close see her cry.

"Hey. We're here kids," said the cop who drove us, pulling me out of my thoughts.

We were sitting, again, this time in the hospital. The waiting room around us wasn't crowded, with only one other person there. Two nurses were chatting at their desk. I glanced at Sam; she was looking vacant again. I was starting to become concerned for her, at least, more than usual. Suddenly the door crashed open behind me. I turned my head quickly and saw Spencer screech to a stop in the waiting room.

"Spencer," I called. He ignored me, instead running to the nurses' desk. They appeared to be as startled as I was.

"Where's Carly Shay?" he exclaimed, making the nurses flinch. "Where is she?"

"She's in the ER," replied the nurse. Spencer took off toward ER double doors. "Wait, you can't go in there!" Spencer crashed into the double doors which, designed to be opened with a gurney, flew open easily.

"CARLY!" he bellowed. I stared after him, wide-eyed. Any other time I would've seen that coming. I really must have been out of it.

Then I heard a deep voice yell, "Hey, you can't be in here!" followed by a loud thud. "Oh no," I groaned under my breath. More thuds followed, until the ER doors flew open and an overweight security guard stumbled out, before tripping and falling right into Sam's chair. Her chair slid backward, knocking over a second one, before tipping over, leaving Sam crushed under the guard. I expected her now to viciously attack the security guard, but what happened was the exact opposite.

"Sorry ma'am," groaned the guard.

"It's okay," she whispered, "it happens." I sat stock still, shocked into silence, before I stood up and helped pull the guard off her. He proceeded to very slowly and carefully creep into the ER. Then I directed my full attention to Sam; her reaction to what just happened scared me, quite a bit. She was never like this, not even that one time that she had the flu. I remember her ordering me to grab some more ham between heaves. I tried to argue, but she turned around and… I really don't think I want to talk about it.

"Sam, are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." No remark about his weight, crap.

"Sam, you're not okay."

"I'll be okay as soon as Carly get's out of surgery."

"Sam…" I wanted to tell her that Carly wouldn't be coming back out. She needed to start moving on, but I figured it could wait; I didn't have the heart to tell her.

Then I heard a faint sound coming from the ER. I didn't know what it was, but it was growing steadily clearer. Then I recognized it as Spencer, sobbing. The doors slowly swung open, revealing Spencer's red, tear-lined face. He was supported by a bald-headed doctor about as tall as me. He deposited Spencer in the chair next to Sam, then turned to face us.

He opened his mouth to start, closed it, opened it up again and said, "We – we did all we could. I – I'm sorry, but… she's dead." For a moment, there was dead silence. Then Spencer resumed his sobbing, and I could feel tears start to pour down my cheeks. I looked at Sam with blurred vision, and saw the same tears running down her face. She wasn't breathing, trying to hold in a sob. I thought, _come on, Sam, just cry_. She couldn't hold it in anymore, and she let out a long, pained sob. Then she jumped to her feet and wrapped me in a tight hug, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Fre –Freddie, we – we're never going to see her again," she cried.

I fought to control my breathing, managing to gasp, "Nope."

"A – and, we're never g – going to talk to her again."

"No, Sam, we're not." My voice cracked on the last word.

"And…and…" Finally, I lost control. My body was racked with sobs. I put my arms around Sam and held her to me. Right then, she seemed like my only comfort, the only thing I was living for. And we stood there, crying like babies for the rest of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the REALLY long wait between chapters, but I'm kinda lazy and inconsistent with my schedule. Again, my apologies.**

Chapter 3

It'd been three months to the day since Carly died. That day was nothing special, though. Not unlike any of the days preceding it. I woke up to see Carly's butchered face, I barely ate a lunch for fear of losing it later, and had absolutely no communication with Sam.

For the first week after the accident, we'd sat on the couch at Spencer's all day. We didn't have to go to school, giving us time to get to know our therapists and try to recover mentally. We would never do anything on the couch, except cry and lean against each other. Any thoughts of love or romance were gone. That week, we relied on each other to stay alive. Spencer would just lie in his bed. We made a lot of meals for him, until he got back on his feet.

After that week, we started going back to school again. As time went by, I saw Sam less and less. At first, we just didn't stay at Spencer's as long. Then, we stopped going all together. After that, Sam stopped talking to me at school and avoided me altogether. As a result, I felt totally isolated at school. My friends in the A/V Club were shallow, to say the least. We just talked about tech and occasionally argued over our Mac vs. PC preferences. I wasn't friends with anyone except Sam, and I didn't know if that friendship even existed anymore. I'd definitely hit a new low in my life.

My therapist hadn't helped me at all. He just talked with me about Carly, told me to do stuff, bla bla bla. It was all meaningless. I was totally alone.

Okay, maybe that day was special, for lack of a better word. It was different, the second worst day of my life.

So, I woke up with images of Carly, barfed, and didn't talk to Sam. So, I was walking down a hallway in my apartment building, staring vacantly into space and thinking of the two most important girls in my life. As I readied myself to turn a corner, I heard footsteps coming from the next hallway. "Strange," I thought. I was now the only child in the building, and it was still the work day for the adults. I peeked my head around the corner, trying to stealthily scan the hall. I saw someone walking down the hallway. It looked like a girl from where I could see, with blonde hair. Realization started to creep over me. She stopped in the middle of the hall and walked up to Spencer's door. I could see that she was carrying an envelope. She put it down in front of the door and started walking toward me. When I could clearly see her face, I realized that she was Sam.

"SAM!" I screamed as I jumped out from behind the wall. She jumped back, fear flashing in her eyes. The fear was quickly replaced by sadness. Quickly, she did a 180 and started walking away from me. "SAM!" I yelled again, starting to speed walk after her. "SAM!"

"Freddie, I have to go!" she half-yelled, before launching into a sprint. Normally, she could have easily outrun me, but I was desperate to hook up, I mean, meet up, with her that I easily caught her. As I came up beside her, I grabbed her wrist and planted my feet. Our momentum sent us sliding along the carpet.

"Sam, I need to talk to you!"

"Freddie, get away from me!" she growled, her eyes now filled with anger.

A small amount of fear found its way into me, but I persisted, "Sam, I need to-"

"GET AWAY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. I'd never heard her scream this loud, and never seen her this angry. Suddenly, her fist shot through the air and crashed into my nose, breaking it and sending me stumbling backward. Already, hot blood flowed down my face, dripping onto my shirt.

"SAM!" Again, her fist shot through the air and slammed into my cheekbone, snapping my head around. My body followed, spinning three times before I came to a stop. Sam started punching me repeatedly, in the face, stomach, and groin. Everywhere. Blood was spurting out of cuts all over my body. Her knee connected with my stomach, crushing the air out of my lungs. Then, her strong hands gripped my shirt collar and threw me headfirst into a wall. I felt the sheetrock crack as my head made contact. Sliding down the wall, pain engulfed me, smashing and cracking my vision and paralyzing me. She grabbed me by the shirt collar again and pulled me upright.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" she cried. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" She slammed by head into the wall one more time, before sprinting away. I lay there still as small pools of blood formed in the carpet around me. I couldn't think, could barely breathe. An hour later, I heard the door next to me open. A second later, I heard Spencer scream. He dragged me into his apartment and laid me on the couch, before running to grab his first aid kit.

"Freddie! Freddie! How many fingers am I holding up?" I couldn't answer. My jaw ached and blood dripped into my eyes. "Freddie, who did this to you?"

I drew in a single breath, a very painful process at the time, and wheezed, "Sam."


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to the sounds of a ventilator hissing. My breath went in and out. In and out. It was so uniform. So sterile. So much like my life. I opened my right eye to see that I was in a hospital room at Seattle General. My mom was sleeping in a chair next to my bed. I had momentary hope that Sam would be next to her, but she wasn't. My body started to throb; the pain crept into my consciousness. That was all I ever felt. Pain, emotional and physical. I closed my eyes again, hoping to enter a dream world where everything would be happy. Carly and Sam would be there, performing iCarly with me. Afterward, Sam and I would snuggle against each other and smile. It would all be so good.

Two weeks later, I was home. Sam had done some pretty serious damage to my body, but that didn't compare at all to the emotional pain. I still felt as though I was bleeding. Blood was being produced at just a quick enough rate to keep me alive. There was no joy at all in my life anymore. I had no more hope to mend my relationship with Sam. She hated me. Of that, I was sure.

One day, I paid Spencer a visit. He'd slowly regained the ability to take care of himself, but was in no better shape than I. His art had become dark and depressing. His statues depicted death of all types: stabbing, suffocation, old age. He no longer made spaghetti tacos, no longer screamed at the top of his lungs. Spencer hardly left the apartment.

I knocked on the door and waited two minutes for it to open. It was Spencer. "Freddie!" he exclaimed. He shot out his arms and engulfed me in a tight hug. It hurt, badly, but I actually saw a trace of happiness in his eye.

"Hey Spencer," I wheezed.

He released me. "So, are you feeling alright?"

"Kinda," I replied. I walked on my crutches to the couch and slowly lowered myself onto it. "It still hurts a lot."

Spencer sat down next to me. "I'm so sorry this happened. I can't believe Sam would do something like this to you. I mean, she'd do stuff to you all the time, but…"

"I don't know, Spencer. She was just here and I tried to talk to her. I needed to talk to her. But she didn't want to, I guess. I've never seen her so angry. And then…" I was struggling to hold in tears. I looked over and saw that the happiness in Spencer's eyes had again been replaced with a cold, detached stare.

"I wonder what she was doing here," he mumbled.

"Well, she was dropping off a letter…" The realization hit me. "She was dropping off a letter here. It must have been a message for you!"

Spencer jumped to his feet. "I remember grabbing that envelope. It was just when I got home from bringing you to the hospital that I noticed it. I didn't think anything of it at the time."

"Where'd you put it?" I asked, grabbing my crutches and pulling myself off the couch.

"I'm trying to remember!" yelled Spencer. He sprinted into the kitchen and started throwing open all the drawers and cabinets. "I think… found it!" Spencer sprinted over to me holding a sealed envelope. I took it from him and ripped it open, hastily removing the paper inside it. The letter was written in pen, but was barely legible. It was definitely Sam's handwriting. My eyes scanned quickly over the text, absorbing the message:

_Dear Spencer,_

_I am so sorry that Carly died. I know how much you loved her. How much everybody loved her. It was my fault, if you didn't already know. It should have been me._

_The rest of the letter is meant for Freddie. I know his mom would take one look at this and throw it away, but I know I can trust you._

_Freddie,_

_I really hope you got this letter. I don't think I can put into words how sorry I am for everything. I know the last few months have been hell for me. They must have felt worse for you. Lately, we've both been alone. I'd like to add that to my long list of apologies, but I feel that it's for the best. I mean, I already killed Carly. I already ripped your life apart. I can't fix it. I wish I could, but I can't. But, I know that I can stop myself from hurting you anymore._

_My life has been about nothing but hurting people. I've hurt you, Carly, Gibby, Ms. Briggs. That's all I do. Even when I beat you up in the hallway, trying to save you from me, I still hurt you. I can't escape. Lord knows I try, but it just won't happen._

_The only way to escape, I fear, is to kill myself. I've been thinking about it ever since Carly died. As of now, I'm not planning on it, but it's a definite back up plan for me. So, if you see me in the news, chances are I'll be dead. _

_Freddie-_

_Goodbye_


	5. Chapter 5

The letter glided slowly to the ground, eventually landing noiselessly. There was nothing but silence.

"Freddie, what did it say?" questioned Spencer.

"Read it," I muttered. I couldn't believe what I'd just read. Sam beat me up to help me? Typical. I don't know what she was thinking. If she'd stayed in my life, it would have been so much better. If only I'd been able to talk to her about it. If only she hadn't gotten so angry at herself, so convinced that she was hurting me.

"Freddie, she needs help," whispered Spencer. "We need to get her help."

"Well, at least she's not going to kill herself yet," I replied.

"Freddie, this was two **weeks** ago. Who knows how much she's thought about it, how much more she's convinced herself that the world is better off without her," exclaimed Spencer.

I let his words sink in. Suddenly, I felt myself overcome with fear. "Quick, grab me a phone!" I ordered. Spencer pulled out his cell phone and handed it to me. I called her home number. It was ingrained in my head after I'd called it for months over and over again. The line rang four times. The voicemail machine was about to take the call when someone picked up. "Is Sam there!" I screamed into the phone.

"Freddie?" came a voice from the other end. I immediately recognized it.

"SAM!" I yelled. "Sam, I just got your letter! You're not a burden on me! You're what I lived for. You kept me alive. If you were gone, I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself. It wasn't your fault that Carly died. She should have seen the car." When I spoke, my feelings came out in a garbled mess. They all seemed shallow spoken so quickly and succinctly, but I hope Sam could tell that they were the most true things I'd ever said in my life. "Sam, please don't kill yourself. I love you!"

The line was silent for what seemed like an eternity. Then Sam said, with the most remorse I'd ever heard her express, "Freddie, I already cut myself." My heart fell out of my body and hit the floor, shattering into a million pieces. Despite that, it beat like it had never before. Adrenaline rushed through my veins.

"SPENCER!" I screamed. "CALL 911! SAM NEEDS HELP!" I heard Spencer's hurried footsteps behind me, but I didn't look. I focused all my attention on the phone. "Sam, you're going to be all right," I said, my voice shaking wildly. "Spencer's getting help. I'm gonna see you soon, okay!"

"Freddie," she replied, with amazing calmness. "I thought I'd ruined you."

"No Sam, you didn't. You couldn't ever ruin me."

Her voice was fading, "Freddie, I- I lo- I love-" With her last ounce of energy, she whispered, "I love you."

"Sam?" Freddie herd a thump, followed by a louder one as her phone hit the ground. He stood stock still, transfixed. A few seconds later, he heard a loud crash. Then there was the stomping of feat, and voices.

"Here she is! Oh my god, she's lost a lot of blood. I'm checking- she's still breathing. Here, wrap this on her wrist! Okay, let's get her on the stretcher." The voices faded and the line went silent again.

_Up in the iCarly studio, I finished the final checks on my computer and camera. Everything was ready. I heard the door open and turned to look. First came Carly. Her face was radiant and beautiful as always._

_"Hi Freddie," she said, flashing me a grin. Next came Sam. Her face was in its usual frown, and he headed straight for me. She stared at me and continued to when she stopped in front of me. I never realized how beautiful her eyes were. They gleamed in the sunlight, transfixing me. Then she grabbed me and pulled me to her. We embraced and kissed. It was the happiest moment of my life. We eventually separated, but continued to stare._

_Then, Sam punched me in the stomach. "Love ya, dork!"_

_"Love ya too," I chimed back. She made her way next to Carly, and I picked up the camera. Everything was just so perfect, almost like a dream._

_"In 5, 4, 3, 2…"_

**A/N: Well, I hope you liked the story. I again apologize to all the readers who had to wait seven months for these final chapters. I am truly sorry. I am just a lazy person, but I'm working to correct that.**

**At 1:00 A.M. on 2/16, though, I knew I had to finish the story. I wrote the final two chapters and finished around 3:05. It's the first story on this site I've ever finished, and it's a great feeling.  
**

**Please review, especially the ending, and thanks for reading!**


End file.
